time will heal all wounds, eh?

here's a thing
wounds never heal completely
scars will take on its place
once the damage is done, it's a done deal
nothing u can do to make it as before again

time lessen the pain
n slowly we all learn to live with the scars
we walked the earth as damaged goods
we will nvr be new n shiny again
we are all chipped and cracked
but we are always whole

there are things u can do to make it right
so tell me wat do i do now?

trouble in lala land

so not in good place rite now

the past still bugging you n potentially screwing with ur future
i thought i am done with the old one
i said goodbyeS, i walked away *again n again*
am currently starting to be happy with the new presence
finally after yrs, opening up again to the possibility of i might have a chance at something real
but u just had to sabotage ur own happiness isn't?
great going, self!

on top of dat family fails to understands you *again*
i know u mean well daddy
n i do consider ur points too
but how do i learn from mistakes n triumphs if u didn't let me have any of it?

at least school puts a few smiles on the face
and a whole loads of pressure in form of decision making and yeah, studying for exams

am waiting for it to pass
with fingers crossed dat things will work out, someway or another
keeping it positive :s

a comeback?

tis would be my 9478586831274th attempt to write a proper comeback post
I figured after more than 6 months *really? like seriusly? S-I-X?!* of absence I should probably write a decent piece on maybe why I took the sabbatical or at least wat have been happening in that long MIA period of time but heck, words elusively escape me
drafs after drafs
on papers, ipod, laptop, u name it
but somehow couldn't pen down the right stuff to say
maybe there too much stuffs to say I dun even know where to start

I wanted to write again
expressing what I can't say
sharing the quirkiest little things in daily life
oh how I miss venting and ranting out

what started as a collection of only my happy days soon be a witness to my daily struggle with life, both the happy days and the crappy days
once in a while, I reread all of my entries, serves as a reminder of how far I have come, how much I have grown and help understand where I am right now and re-enlighten my destination
when I hit rock bottom, it seems to smile and whispers back that I can get thru it simply because I have in the past n I know cos I got the smile back on my face and laughter back in my voice
but of late, things have become too personal to be shared even if I longed to
of late, there are things I wanted some to know but not others
of late it didn't feel free anymore to say wat I really want
when ppl take offense of wat u write and stop talking to you even if wat u write is true anyway
this is no longer my safe heaven
yet I dun wanna stop
so I took a break

I will write again I hope
writing is therapeutic for me
maybe I'll continue writing here
4 yrs and this blog have seen ups and downs of my life
this is home,my sanctuary,my happy place
but i think a change would be good too
in keeping of the reality i'm living
or maybe perhaps writing anonymously would finally give the true freedom in expressing wat really went thru tis lil mind of self
wat u think?

"Cause in my head there's a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they're far more suited than here"
-Death Cab For Cutie, Soul Meets Body-

serves you right

you have no one else to blame n be mad at except yourself
i didn't rob you of your chances, you yourself gladly took it all away

i hate you for making me feel guilty when i really shouldn't
i hate it you know me so well, you just know which button to push

you have no right to dictate how i should live my life
you denied yourself dat right when you choose to walk out of my life

you know it yourself
but you couldn't help feeling the way you feel right now, dun u?
consider it the price u have to pay
n if it makes u feel better, know dat i pay a higher price
i always do, still do...

never let go

where's the sky?

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
All that I feel is the realness I'm faking
Taking my time but it's time that I'm wasting
Always turn the car around

Shattered-O.A.R

how can it be?

impossible as it seems but it is the truth; it is possible to feel so lonely while being surrounded by seas of people

behind the smiles and laughters

Hi, my name is CT and i am a PostSecret addict

the first thing i do every Sunday morning, as soon as i open my eyes is to check out the newly posted secrets of others
it's an eye opener
the ugly truth of the world
and the sunshine joy as well

i have a few if not too many secrets of my own
who doesn't, eh?
i admire those who brave enuf to put it down n share it with the world
albeit anonymously
i haven't found my courage yet
maybe i will, maybe i will never
maybe some secrets are meant to be forever hidden
but for it to be let out...it would be a breather

and it falls...

making me falls to...

deeply

in love

with the pureness of it

the first snow of winter 2008



my day may not be as good
but it ended well because of the snows
white flakes on my hair while walking home from school
it reminds me of this magical world i'm fortunate enough to inhabit
:) :) :) :)

count the blessings in your life rather than whine about your misfortune

the night

it would have been a perfect night
had we still what we used to be

not too soon

this time next Friday, i'll be on the plane enroute home
7 MORE FREAKING DAYS!!!!!
and 6 more days to exam
*yes, as small as possible coz i'm in denial so dat i dun freak out*

can't believe i've finished my 1st yr alreadi
won't be long before the clerkship n graduation n then real world!!!
erkkkk~

can't believe dat it's been almost a yr since i left home
how is it back home i wonder?
grant there will be a lot of changes around but will some things just stay the same?
will it make me remember?
if it does, will it still hurt?
or will a new good change is bound to happen?

in amidst of excited to go back n meet loved ones n the prospect of traveling alone thru places i've nvr been before
i dislike the packing n preparation part n somehow reluctant to go back n face wat i've left behind n hope nvr to deal with
*sighhhhh*

whoever broke it, fix it

according to Syrus Publilius
"amoris vulnus idem sanat, qui facit"

~the wounds of love can only be healed by the one who made them~

if dats the case, then mine won't heal at all
*sighhhhhh*

in a dark place

few days ago denotes 24 years i walk this spinning rock
thank you for all the wishes n the whole weekend long of cakes n celebrations n the bday tokens too
as always the wishes of long, happy life n murah rezeki is most appreciated and valued
but one wish not so welcomed is the one for me to find some guy n tie a knot ASAP or at least find a guy n be in a relationship ASAP
i know these ppl meant well but this is one of the thing u dun wanna push it with me
n coming from u who is glowing with happiness from getting hitched soon makes it feel like a slap in the face
as if i meant nothing if there is no guy attached
as if i am a failure
as if i'm inadequate
i'm glad it work out for u n i am really happy for u, i really do
but just because it work for u doesn't mean it'll work for me too n my life works just fine for me these days
i'm still optimistic n everything but right now, i have bigger things to do n i hate the notion dat my purpose to be on this rock is solely for reproduction n survival of homo sapiens
i'll get there, i hope but not now
so for now, just lay it off ok?

blueberry cheesecake

unfair isn't?
when u can't have ur fav just because it reminds u of sumthing u tried so hard to forget

boredamus maximatus

i've been sleeping a lot lately
nothing seems to excites me anymore
which is a waste looking at a VERY good weather these days
u can literally walk around outside in just ur birthday suit

i've been skipping class a lot too
and not using the time to study as i should
which is not good looking at not so good record of this course
and i need to pass or else, summer holiday cut short

starting to hate school and group discussions
seems like everybody else knows everything and i know nothing
dats why i've been skipping school
my bad since i didn't study, no one else to blame but me

mayb because there's one thing on my mind --> summer holiday
and the fact that exam is scheduled every 2 weeks without any holiday but weekends and to ad to it, various deadlines on projects and posters and next year program
i'm lacking motivation...needing the push STAT

double o seven

Congrats to Dr. Nora and Dr. Daus!



now u can officially put M.D after ur name
cool lah!

graduation moves me to tears
it's a proud day
the day when all the hardships worth it
i wish my mum n dad can be there at mine in two years time

it's lovely

this feeling

i have once felt
and will feel again

don't turn a blind eye

how many of us ever been in this situation before?
regardless if it's about relationship or work or studying or just day to day life

easier said than done is it?
not to stare long at the door dats slammed us in da face
most of the time we just stood there staring at the closed door for long time from the sheer shock n perhaps denial dat we lost sights of everything else

but there will come the day even without losing sight of the closed door it come to u dat other doors is wide open n waiting for u but u just can't seems to tear ur eyes still from dat closed door

even harder to take the first step away
but one thing i learn is not to
not until u really truly ready
even if it's gonna take you forever
because if u do before, u gonna end up back staring at the closed door

so, just let me stare a moment more

this is how i used to feel with you

-You're in my arms-And all the world is calm-The music playing on for only two-So close together-And when I'm with you-So close to feeling alive-As life goes by -Romantic dreams will start-So I bid mine goodbye and never knew-So close was waiting, waiting here with you-And now forever I know-All that I wanted to hold you-So close-So close to reaching that famous happy end-Almost believing this was not pretend-And now you're beside me and look how far we've come-So far we are so close-How could I face the faceless days-If I should lose you now?-We're so close-To reaching that famous happy end-Almost believing this was not pretend-Let's go on dreaming for we know we are-So close-So close-And still so far-

but u don't know dat, do u?
i wish u do
*sighhhhhhh*

p/s: listen carefully at 2:01 n u'll hear mcdreamy sang for her, dat's da sweetest thing ever! *melting*

never ever underestimate

"but i cannot marry the mole!"
the beautiful mouse cried in despair
"what one earth shall i do?"in her grieved stupor,
she stumbled on a corncake and fell in a heap
on the ground, and continued falling,
deeper and deeper, until she rolled no more.
a little thud echoed in the hollow.
through the darkness, she heard a gentle voice,
as comforting as the cool earth
beneath her dainty mice feet,
beckoning.
she heard the single strike of a match light,
lo and behold,
appeared a halo illuminating the sweetest brown face
"do not be afraid, my dear. it is i, mr mole."
her tiny heart gleamed with suprise,
for it was love at first sight.